I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
