do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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