he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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