farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize