thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
