bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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