U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
