Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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