the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
