Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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