Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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