I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
