like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
