hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
