i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
