And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
