You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
