Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
