Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
