what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
