New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
