you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
