worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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