tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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