i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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