fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
