you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
