Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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