your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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