You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
