I haven't been this sober since birth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
