Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mom said you looked used
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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