Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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