so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
