My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
