Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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