I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
