She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
