ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
