you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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