Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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