8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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