You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
