My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
