Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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