Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
