having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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