I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
