it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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