is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
