dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
