So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
