The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
