Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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