its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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