I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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