He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize