Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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