So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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