i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
