I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
