if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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