just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
