Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
