i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
