if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
