i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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