im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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