what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
