I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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