so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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