It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
